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| Stages
Listen to me,
I'm singing again.
Look at me,
I'm pretty today.
Touch me,
I'm in love again.
Kiss me,
My lips are soft tonight.
Hold me,
I'm fragile right now.
Love me,
I'm yours forever.
Drop me,
My insanity is toxic.
Hurt me,
My tears are acid rain.
Kick me,
I'm bleeding already anyway.
Ignore me,
I'm quiet suddenly.
Leave me,
I was lonely in your presence anyway.
Forget me,
Wish I could do the same...
Regret me,
And I shake my head
And flitter on
To new troubles,
Scarred, but no longer
Bleeding or crying.
Later, I'll think of you
And be numb to it all
Again. The Scarlet 'V'
Almost twenty,
And still
Technically
Sexually innocent.
Not ashamed, not proud.
A personal choice,
Not for marriage
Or religion,
But for me,
Because 'Let's f*ck.'
Just isn't enough
(Sorry Jon. I could tell
how disappointed you
were when you pretended
not to know me the next
day).
I need something more.
I don't know what
Exactly,
But I'll know
When I find it,
And it hasn't come along
As of yet.
Why is it such a big deal?
It's not to me,
So why do people act
Like it's so amazing?
As though I should
Wear a medal
And tattoo the 'V' word
Across my forehead?
It creates barriers
And I don't regret
That I haven't yet,
But I'm not a freakshow,
So don't stare at me
If it happens to come up,
And don't patronize me
By saying,
'Good for you.'
How stupid is that?
It's a fact,
Not a defect,
And not a cause
For commendation.
So why do people
Treat me like I'm made of glass
When they find out
I'm still a virgin? My Cherub
Being your mother
Is an honor
I would be proud
To own
But,
Although I did not birth you,
In a different
And very special way,
You're mine.
This feeling began
The first time
I held you,
And was confirmed
By you,
The first time
You smiled at me.
Sweet brown eyes,
Tiny little nose,
And round little head...
Your laughter
Is contagious,
Bouncingly infectious.
Your tears
Are heartwrenching.
How could I deny you
Anything short
Of everything?
Make me silly,
Making faces
Just to see you smile.
Make me feel
Euphoric
When you collapse
Into sleep in my arms.
Overwhelm my voice
Into singing you to sleep.
Laugh at me again,
Cherub,
I need to smile.
Never cry.
I can't bear
To hear or see it.
Latch onto me
And need me some more.
I may not be
Your mother,
But still, sweet cherub,
You're mine... And Say Goodbye
I don't understand.
Don't you care about me
At all?
Do you think of me
When you're all alone,
And feel sorry for what you did?
You knew my world
Was made of flowers
And sunshine and shimmer.
I said hello
And my light burned your eyes.
From your world
Of thorns
And darkness and clouds,
You kissed me
And said goodbye.
Your kiss infected me
And I took on your darkness.
The gray of your smile
Rotted my insides.
The sharpness of your tone
Pierced my heart.
Your dull eyes which
Blankly stared at me
Made me cry,
Deep, angry, acidic drops,
Falling endlessly.
I cried away my soul
And walked the earth
As a wanderer,
Dreary, disheartened, disillusioned,
Doomed
To see the truth,
Not the depressing way you saw,
But the deep, hidden truth
That nonetheless took away my soul
And replaced it with one
Half yours
And half mine.
Now you say hello
And I want to echo the word,
But now I know the truth,
So I kiss you...
And say goodbye. Sundae For Breakfast
I had a pecan caramel fudge sundae
For breakfast this morning.
A guy walked past me,
Spooning ice cream, gooey fudge, and sticky caramel
Into my round, little face at 7:30AM.
He stared,
But let's see what he'd eat
If he got his 'monthly visitor' early.
Damn unwanted houseguests...
My room is almost packed.
It looks empty and scary,
Like an old friend
Whose face and voice
Were suddenly plain, monotonous, and sad.
I've moved so many times,
Packed it all up
And started over a lot,
But this time,
My family, my mom and dad -
They're not coming...
I'm worried,
But I don't let it show.
My ice cream is melting.
Somehow,
It makes me a little more melancholy,
As though it were my childhood,
Melting into a no longer enjoyable puddle... Perfect Night
Oh perfect night,
Do not stop.
Caress me tenderly in the cool autumn air,
Whispering a slow
I
Love
You...
Wash me away
With the tears of your heavens,
And smile down on me
With silvery, round lips,
Bestowing the shimmery kisses
Of moonbeams.
Run your windy fingers
Through my hair
And gaze into my blue eyes
With your bright stars.
Stay with me...
I love you too. (untitled)
Sometimes I'm crazy
My blue eyes turn wild
Gleaming into my playful tenacity
My teeth all showing
Mouth open, grinning
As I dance about stupidly
Laughing and Squealing
Sometimes I'm quietly introspective
My eyes somewhere else
Contemplating, feeling, seeing with my soul
You'll look at me
And wonder what I'm thinking
And when I try to tell you
My complicated explanation
May leave you confused
But don't worry
Few people 'get it' anyway
Sometimes I'm gently powerful
A little bit of a crazy dance in my step
Dormant schizophrenia harnessed in my eyes
Singing a controlled storm of a song
And you'll wonder
Why you have to stare
Have to talk to me
But I'll smile as if I know
Even if I don't
And you'll never know the difference
And never understand
Me Walk
Wanna take a walk with me,
Warm beneath the summer moon?
We can walk together,
Smiling and laughing.
If we stop laughing
And you look into my eyes -
Two blue flames
Reflecting the silver orb
And thousands
Of twinkling stars in the sky -
Can I kiss you?
Our lips dancing
To a beat inside ourselves?
Can I smile
In anticipation
Of a journey that will follow?
Can you see me
For who I am
And love me for that,
As well as for what I'm not?
Can your smile take me away,
Farther than we could ever walk?
If we take a walk
And I fall in love
And I never want to leave
And I smile warmly and kiss your lips,
Can you love me back? The Hollow
Every day, more stressful thoughts surround me
A chaos of fears, worries, nightmares,
Sorrows for the death
Of things that arent yet dead
But will soon be
If I cant save them
Im too young to feel so old
And memories of last year
Seem to be scenes from a cheesy movie,
Where everything worked out
And friends and family
Were always there
Nothing was complicated
And no one expected much from me
So it was easy to excel
Now, too much is expected of me
And I cant take it
But I cant let them know
So I have to take it
Because I expect that from myself
And they all say
I work so hard
And theyre so proud of me
Because Im good at what I do
And its a wonder Im not dead yet
Is that what happens to you
When you grow up?
The child inside you dies
And it hurts so much
And you want to cry
Because the youth is clawing, screaming,
Grabbing protruding memories
Inside the hollow casing youll become
To try to hold on
To stay another month
A tiny day, a moment
And, in trying to hold on
It breaks the pieces away
Until theyre all floating about
In unorganized fragments
And you know they belong
Inside you somewhere
But theres no room
Among the emptiness of adulthood
So you push them out
Then one day
Youre running through the hollow
Gasping, no time to stop or look where youre going
And you come to a door
You open it, and as you duck inside
From a corner of one eye
You behold a sight
That makes you sick with longing and loneliness
As the door locks behind you
The image is embedded in you
The door is locked
And you know this
Without trying it
But its just as well
You can still see her
On a bed of wilted flower petals
That were once soft, bright, and fragrant
In a tiny blue dress
Lies the corpse of a little girl
Her sad face, cheeks hollow
Starved for the sustenance
Of imagination and emotion
But the thing
That makes you ache
With a nostalgic regret
Is what is in her tiny pale hands
Clutched frantically
Between young fingers
Are the memories
Of the happy, sunny days
When the world was new
But now theyre tattered and faded
As though they were a pair of old shoes
Youd grown out of
And you know no one else
Can see her this vividly
And the mourning of her death
Will be a lonely, long stage
That may dull
But will never quite
Fade away completely Fairy Friend
I'm sorry
I don't even know yet what for
But the look in your eyes -
Glistening blue marbles -
Tells me that something I've said
Or done
Has suddenly thrown me
Out of your favor
And, yet again,
I apologize.
You are my fairy friend,
Sprinkling glittery,
Senseless, fairy dust laughter
Generously on my life,
Flittering from day to day,
Laugh to laugh.
I sense death in your tears
But i know not of what.
Don't cry
The tears streaming down
Your pained face
Make me feel
As though I have nothing left
To live for.
My world would be constant sorrow
If it weren't for fairies.
Please flicker on
And think happy thoughts. Awakening Soul
I wake up at noon
To scream
At your smiling face
You startled me awake
You laugh at my shriek
And giggle
The sound of vibrating happiness
Wiggling the fiery mane of hair
That travels down your back
Your teeth peer out
From behind your lips
Your eyes almost disappear
Shiny sapphires
Being cupped
As if by the small hands
Of a child
Who's found treasure
I can't help but laugh
Through my sleepiness
As I fall out of bed
Anticipating fun and adventure
Maybe excitement
And definitely
Many more
Of the childish giggles
Which revived my soul from sleep My New Adventure
Borrowing from the borrowed
Living paycheck to paycheck
Mundane, lethargic days
Praying for a sparkle, a glimmer
Of the adventure which overfilled me
Almost a year ago
Disconnected from the social world
In which I thrived back then
I can't decide
If my new world
Is moving backward or forward
Through me
I feel very different
And I'm realizing
That there is a faultiness and a hole
In every little truth
I used to think I knew
And the importance of clothes,
Image, and fun
Are slowly being replaced
With what I believe to be a wisdom
A depth in the bright blue of my eyes
Almost a sad tint
I used to be afraid
But now I see things differently
I'm no longer kicking and screaming
And clawing and grasping
But looking upward
So that the light reaches the depth
In the blue of my eyes
Not smiling, not frowning,
But glowing, in an almost renaissance way
As the grown up seeps slowly
Into me
I've arrived
And, though my face is new
And I know little
Of this new world
I breathe it in and smile bittersweetly
As I begin
My new adventure |
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